I finally lost it

It's taken a lot to get there but apparently I have finally resorted to screaming at random members of the community. This past week after Scouts I took all three kids to Trader Joe's. Shopping with all three children is something I try hard never to do. Lael's chatter alone is enough to blast all thoughts out of my brain but it becomes very difficult when adding Henry, who is currently a menace when he's set free (and I never get more than 5 minutes before I have to walk around holding him or he protests very loudly). And then there's Oliver, who exists just to torture his sister and make her scream, which I admit doesn't take much. Anyway, I survived the store and we were getting in the car. I had the last two grocery bags in my arms and was putting them in the car when an approaching woman said, "Excuse me. You know, that's really not very nice." I looked over and realized my cart had rolled up against her car. I said, "I didn't realize it rolled." And then, as I processed her words and annoying tone of voice, something snapped, and I added, "Lady, you really need to get a life." And then I yelled, "I'm doing tHe BEST I CAN!" Then I got in my car and drove off with my children, who had of course witnessed the whole thing. So in the aftermath of The Incident, I have analyzed how I got to the state where I would yell at random strangers, in an attempt to avoid ever getting there again.

I admit I released my pent-up frustration from several issues onto this woman, but I think what drove me over the edge was her annoying tone of voice and her assumption that I had noticed and didn't care about her precious car. So, really, I think she is one of those people that's a harpie and she deserved it but I still wish I hadn't lost it. There were several contributing factors. The Journey concert we went to was frustrating because it was sold out so the lawn seats were pretty tight. Citizens were righteously indignant that the people in front of them were standing so the only way they could see was to stand. I expect this kind of thing from these events. It's life. What I found really irritating, however, was that when my chair touched the blanket of the party next to me, I was told, "Someone will be sitting there." And when that person finally arrived, he smoked and he kept it low so that it blew right in my face (Note to self: when smoking in crowded, public areas, make sure to put the cigarette higher so that the smoke blows over to annoy other people instead of the person right next to you.) So apparently it was rude to encroach on someone's physical space but forcing someone to eat smoke is OK. Next issue: I have been doing too many unofficial church callings and I need to extricate myself somehow without being condemned. So on Sunday when I said to a sister, "Oh my goodness! I didn't return your phone call." and she said, "No, you didn't." in a very sour tone, I thought, well, there's going to be a lot more where that came from if I continue to do this job, so get used to it or let me out! And then there's the Boosters Club. As my friend Jennette said about her house, it's like having another child, who doesn't love you. I'm working my tail off just to make progress at a snail's pace. I'm not even remotely thinking about giving up but I definitely need to work smarter. I've been doing the work of at least 5 people. I've neglected everything and given up time with my family to get this organization up and running and I will succeed but I am going to take a break. I haven't taken the time to blog or do anything extra because I've been giving it all to the school. Anyway, that's most of how I got to yelling at random people in the parking lot. I just hope no one from the school was there. And now I'm officially taking my break!